Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Trusting the Slide

This weekend I went to the movies in a snowstorm. By the time the movie ended there was four inches of new snow on the roof of my car so it was a pretty sizeable storm, but it didn’t change my decision to go out at all. In Syracuse if I waited for the weather to be good I’d never go anywhere.

I was thinking as I was driving how much my perception of weather has changed. In December I absolutely would not have gone out on a night like last Saturday. I would have sat alone in my living room watching the snow pile up and feeling trapped. Over the last two months I have grown increasingly confident as a snow driver. Mainly because I know now what it feels like to slide and to correct. The roads are slick, but I know what it feels like to lose control and I trust my car and myself enough to be able to regain control again.

I have developed a similar calm about internship. When I first came I was terrified I was going to make a mistake. I was just waiting for that trip or slip that would spell disaster. What I have come to learn is I will screw up sometimes. But what matters is not that I don’t make mistakes, but how I respond once I do. I have to trust myself, the relationships I’ve built, and the grace of this community, to embrace me through whatever slip-up I may cause. But I cannot let the fear of slipping prevent me from trying. Worse than making a mistake is not to do anything at all.

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