The Impending Surgery that Wasn’t and the Holy Spirit, Her Pink Boots

Systematic Theology is becoming one of my favorite courses because it is where I am able to intertwine my thoughts and spirituality into a beautiful theological yarn. Pouring out of Creation, it is ready to be slipped into my waiting hands and knitted into a fabric of protection and of comfort where one would want to snuggle underneath, watching an afternoon shower of rains on an unseasonably warm day.  Each moment I am present, the love for my vocation and for this call grows especially understanding how important the Holy Spirit truly is to all of us as people of Faith. Can you imagine the Holy Spirit hanging outside your door, splashing around in the courtyard in the mud or hovering, nestled in a tree outside your windows wiggling Her toes in Her pink boots waiting for your gaze to meet the new day; waiting for you to be open to what The Creator has for you.

For the past couple of weeks, however I’ve crawled back underneath that comforter because I wanted to hide and not face the brilliance of how stunning each morning appears to me.

In Seminary, I have found that health potholes whether we are running into them or family members or dear friends slowly crumble into view in our lives and we either stand there and are shocked or are screaming to the heavens “Really??Now??”

And so, I found myself facing a reality of having minor surgery for something that had been bubbling at the surface but not so intense until now. Even though I have had major surgery with the birth of both of my children my vision was clouded with the veil of what could lie ahead for me. I found myself nervous, weepy; life as I knew it was now uncertain.

Music that was birthed strictly for the nurturing the soul has always been a deeper part of my spiritual journey. In the midst of discerning, Shekinah Glory Ministries’ song “Yes” had me always weeping. Roaming around camp and singing “Oh Up Above my Head” allowed me to be open to what God was filling my life with. How we sing Psalm 95 in chapel causes my entire being to be alive enjoying worship. So last week during chapel and driving to church, gospel songs and hymns prickled at me, and the Holy Spirit whispered…

“Let Go and Trust God.”

My prayer was strangely not, for healing but to be with me as I went through this experience..that never happened.

Thanks Be To God.

A Vision of Reconciliation

When a person is a candidate for ordination, like myself, one becomes pretty familiar with document called Vision and Expectations.  All ordained leaders and candidates for ordination are expected to uphold this document and the expectations laid within it.

This is an important document, one that any of us who follow it doesn't take lightly.  A pastor in the ELCA commits at ordination to live a life above reproach.  Vision and Expectations helps to inform what living beyond reproach would look like.  In seminary, we start living into those expectations now.  One expectation is to live, teach, and preach in accordance with the confessions of the church.  Another expectation is to pray for the church.  Yet another expectation is for single leaders to live a chaste life and for married and partnered couples to remain faithful for one another.  As you can imagine, upholding these expectations can provide different challenges to different people.

Another expectation is to practice reconciliation in all of my relationships, including family.  While that seems easy enough in an abstract way, I actually find this expectation the most challenging and work the hardest to uphold.  I come from an extended family that has a habit of keeping secrets to avoid conflict.  This is not always conducive for reconciliation.  There are many members of my extended family who do not speak to one another.  Family systems are not easy and changing family dynamics is even harder.  While there are many fractures in my family that have proven to be healthy fractures, I as a pastoral leader need to develop the ability to discern when the best means of reconciliation is parting ways and the times when it is better to reconnect.  I also need to learn how to part ways in a way that truly is a form of reconciliation. 

Fractures in relationships, good intentions gone awry, and family secrets are an inevitable part of our human experience, whether that family is a blood relative or the family is a church community.  Reconciliation is not always easy, and there will be times when we stumble.  But it is then we remember the expectation to stand true to our church confessions; confessions that tell us in Christ we are forgiven when we stumble in striving to live a life beyond reproach.  In that confession, I know I am reminded that I am supported and loved, strengthening me to get back up and try again. 

Reminiscing...

A summer of dreams was spent mostly healing up from surgery on a torn ACL in my left knee, which in turn made my summer quite uneventful.  The hardest part of the summer then became my expectation to work with the ELCA National Youth Gathering and help with their multi-cultural event, which was in New Orleans, Louisiana.  I still had hoped to participate, and waiting to see if I could heal up enough to make the flight, a week or two from the dates in July I had to resign from my post.  A crushing blow, but the right choice.  Coming to Austin in early August, I was greeted with stories of the gathering from my pastor and some youth.  A little bummed out at what sounded like an amazing experience, I decided with the help of some parishioners to be proactive with these experiences.  I went and printed out a bunch of their photos from my pastor and kicked off our youth group with a memories session at the local Taco place down the street.  It helped create conversation of what they wanted to do with their experience as they came back to their normalcy here in Texas.  For me being a person who lived in New Orleans for 6 months, I was so happy just getting a chance to hear their stories and ask questions with knowledge of where they had been.  I was also able to tell them some of the stories and history that I learned while I was there.  New Orleans played such a big role in my story of getting to seminary.  It was the first time that I really understood and felt a definitive call to pastoral ministry. My National Youth Gathering in high school was also in New Orleans and I remember many memories still today that personalized my faith.  I was so happy for the opportunity to reminisce and talk about that experience as well as hear about how different and unique their experience was in the same place.  What a great way to kick off the year and think about all the things we want to do with our youth.  Giving them ownership and a chance to grow out of their experiences.

God's Gumbo

Last night I spent a good hour and a half on the verge of tears. I walked into the Superdome and felt the electric energy of 33,000 youth all excited to listen and praise and dance and share in what it meant to be the physical manifestation of Christ in one place in the city of New Orleans.

I am lucky to know two of last night's speakers personally, the Rev. Yehiel Curry and the Rev. Nadia Bolz-Weber, and both of them had poignant things to say to our youth (and adults!) who were gathered together.

Rev. Curry is a classmate of mine at LSTC and shared a word of welcome with everyone in the dome. He reminded us of the rich history of Gumbo-a dish of welcome. Gumbo, made of all sorts of meat, veggies and spices looks an awful lot like a giant dome shaped bowl of the Gumbo of God, we were reminded. And he went on to speak to those people who were definitely-abled, republican, democrat, disinterested in politics, black, white, brown haired, blonde haired, black haired, gay, straight, male, female, open minded...reminding us all that we were an important part of God's Gumbo, and without us the entire gathering, and I would say the entire Church, would be lacking.

And then Nadia came on stage, sharing with us that she grew up in a church where "they didn't want her flavor in the gumbo," something that I have experienced too. She was turned off to the church and was perfectly fine with walking down a path of destruction, knowing she would die before she was 30. Fast forward to 2012, and Nadia told us that she did not deserve to speak to us, and that the parents who had doubts were probably right...there's no way a tattooed, recovering alcoholic, who had 20 years before gotten a tattoo in the living room of a junkie, should be able to talk to 33,000 high schoolers. But, in her words, "that's the God we are dealing with, people." Because we are dealing with a God of transformation and new life!

Indeed, we have a God that welcomes all people into the gumbo, knowing that every single child of God is important to enhancing the flavor of the kingdom of heaven on earth. We have a God that is less interested in us climbing some pious spiritual ladder of religiosity and a God that is more interested in climbing down the ladder to where we are. We have a descending God who claims us as God's own because of Christ, who climbed down to earth to dwell among us, the pious and the spiritual junkies alike, to share the love of God.

Our God is a radical God, one who transforms us and blesses us so that we can boldly proclaim the good news of Christ to all people. And we, the crazy Lutherans, can be proud to roll up our sleeves here in NOLA and do God's work with our hands as Citizens With the Saints!