Sunday, January 16, 2011

"God doesn't call the equipped. God equips the called."

This fall was a hard semester for me, filled with many moments where I doubted if I was really supposed to be in seminary.  While I have plenty of people affirming me externally, I can't deny the sense of inadequacy I feel.  

Over Christmas break, I ended up spending a week back at my old job.  I worked as a case manager at a homeless shelter prior to coming to seminary.  As I sat in my old chair, at my old desk, staring out the window at the same “Grant Street” sign, methodically going through the files that I set up and reading the notes on the clients that I worked with, I knew that I could quit seminary and come back to Pennsylvania, and I would have this job waiting for me.  No problem.

As easy as it could be to go back, almost like the prodigal daughter, I know it’s not where I’m supposed to be.  I feel selfish being in school here in Chicago  when one of my clients is still terrified to ride the bus by herself or another doesn’t understand his mail.  God didn’t burst through the clouds and tell me to get my butt back to Chicago.  I did, however, have a sense being incomplete.  LSTC and Chicago are not my final destination, but neither is the shelter.  To continue on this journey though, seeking to serve God, I knew that I had to come back to LSTC.  It’s where I’m supposed to be, as unqualified as I feel.

”The opposite of faith isn’t doubt.  It’s certainty.”—Ann Lamott

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