I'll admit it. Fear plays a part in my decisions. Maybe it has to do with being an introvert but I feel we all have it to some degree about various things: the future, our social life, the next generation, money, the world. And then there's that horrible cliche: "Don't worry about anything. Pray about everything."
Because of course we will worry - we're human. More specifically, we are seminarians. We get to pair our fears with the weight of spirituality so it becomes not only a decision about where to go to school but an entire discernment process about our entire life. We fret about where to go to seminary, what CPE and MIC will be like, where to go on internship or first call, and how to find good news in a text filled with law. It is terrifying.
And yet.... here I am in Montana, snubbing my fears about being farther away from my home in Tennessee than I ever thought I would be, to catch glimpses of God in the beautiful mountains and in long conversations with elderly residents about life as they've lived it. I am blessed beyond imagining. I won't lie and say the fear is gone. But it becomes easier to note it's presence and go, "So what?" It becomes easier to pair that worry with prayer. "Montana? Really, God? But... okay. Send me." And here I am.