Friday, April 12, 2013

Soon and Very Soon

One of the things no one mentions before starting seminary is that once you've been in countless hours of classes, chapel services, and congregational visits, the soundtrack to your life starts to sound a lot like a collection of hymns.

Or maybe that's just me.  A few weeks ago when uncertainty was filling my thoughts, my soundtrack-for-the-day song was "You Are Mine."  On a day when I was contemplative about the journey, the track was "I Want Jesus to Walk with Me."  And now, a mere 72 hours away from my internship assignment, my the track that is on repeat is, "Soon and Very Soon."

The process of preparing for internship is filled with excitement, nervousness, and a bit of uncertainty.  Last fall when I was at my endorsement panel (one of several steps as a candidate for ordination) I remember talking to clergy from my home synod, brainstorming about what type of sites may be the perfect blend of nurture and challenge.  It seemed so surreal at the time, almost as if the day would never come.  Now, it is merely a breath away.

I am starting to realize the complexity that comes with embracing the internal and external part of this process.  As my friends who are seniors are preparing for first call, and now here in the midst of internship assignment myself, there are moments that can seem that we have no control at all.  While the uncertainty can make us feel this way, in reality that is something very different.

I have often associated control with picking where I would go, choosing where I would live.  These things at this point are truly out of my hands.  But I do have control on how I choose to enter that unknown environment, what stories and gifts I choose to share about myself, the trust I place in God and God's workers who decide my placement. 

I also have control to consciously remember that in a week the uncertainty I feel today will look very different.  This moment in time is temporary.  Soon and very soon I will be connecting with my future supervisor, brainstorming about what ministry will look like in a place that I will call home that is not a phantom mist on some generic highway.

Look out, Texas, Nebraska, Florida, Nevada, Missouri, or Arkansas.  Soon and very soon, one of you is going to be my home. 

1 comment:

  1. the first two paragraphs of this made me laugh out loud. Well done.

    And also, I know what you mean, soon and very soon is all to often the hymn in seminary as it seems we are constantly waiting for something to come soon.